At fifteen it was nitrous.
Just a tiny puff and the world goes black.
Little Kings, of course,
What would a house look like
made from all the rectangular packs of
A thousand square foot starter or a mansion with mother-in-law suite?
Weed came later,
from Byron and Colorado
til it got too “good”
and made me cry instead of laugh.
The eight balls,
the slips of paper cut into tiny squares,
the red red wine.
As the petrol fumes
creep into my nose at the station,
dutifully grasping the pump,
a familiar dizziness,
that old giddiness.
I do not turn away.
The Crayola markers
just after popping the top off
take me back to dirty apartments with
ashtrays brimming over,
clothing piled everywhere.
Then we color stars and planets.
My first selfie was on the beach in Krabi, Thailand. I settled into a shady chair under the palms, popped open my book, and looked up over the pages to see my bare feet in the forefront of such a gorgeous scene I had to capture it just like that—toes and all. I’d taken pictures of myself and my friends before, of course, holding the camera out in front of us, cramming cheeks together to get all our silly, laughing faces in the shot. But the Krabi pic was of me alone. A shot that showed me in the world. It was not a picture of that tropical beach, but me on that beach. It was not a picture of the world’s natural beauty snapped in order to remember years later. It was a statement. Here I am. Look where I am!
I don’t take many selfies now unless they’re with my five year-old son, who sticks his tongue out or squeezes his eyes shut for most photographs. But to a lot of people I know, selfies are a way of life. They cover Facebook pages, Instagram accounts, Flickr sites. But the selfies I see on a daily basis look different to me than my bare feet in Thailand. Where my photo showed a person in the world, the selfies I see just show people. If they are in fact standing in front of something interesting, that is certainly not the point. The photos seem solely intended to capture the person—their perfection and physical beauty.
I’m not a better person than someone who takes a boatload of selfies. I just miss seeing more interesting images. Photos of people with mountains, on pick-up trucks, with each other. It’s our relationships that make us remarkable, not our hair or make-up or clothes. Our relationships to our friends and family, to our homes and creeks and trees and skies and pets and buildings and oceans. I miss photography that captures human interaction with the world instead of curated details of it. The world is more than just our stage. The world that we live in and all its weirdness and wonder is what makes us beautiful.